Child upbringing 3-4 years: psychology, counseling

Often, a small child may be disobedient to hysteria and scandal. He cries, stomps feet, spills toys, and mom does not know how to calm him and hold in a feeling.
What to do in this case: prohibit anything to punish a small fog, leave it alone

for a while, so that it does not stop sneaking and how to properly educate and develop a child at the age of 3-4 years.

Table of contents

1. Why do not listen to children or a crisis of 3 years
2. Parental prohibitions and what lies behind
3. Child's temperament: typical mistakes and peculiarities of education of
4. Summing up

Why children do not listen or crisis of 3 years

ToIt is right to bring up a baby, it is necessary to understand what stands behind his bad behavior. One should immediately say that the differences between the bad behavior of children of different sexes do not exist, as a rule, the causes of disobedience are always the same.

In psychology, there is such a notion as "frustration", which characterizes a psychic state in which all human desires( in this case, the child) can not be fully satisfied.

Understanding that not everything is allowed to him, not all he can subordinate to his desire, something he must obey, the child grows up.

Every sensitive father who has a tendency to reflection and observation, is well aware of his child and feels when he is scared to achieve something to meet his desires, or the reason for disobedience lies in something else, such as malaise, problems in kindergarten, about whichthe kid is afraid to tell the house and so on.

Learn about how to educate your child on the right sound skills you can here: Consultation of a speech therapist for parents in kindergarten

For more information on all the childhood age crises, you can in our article: Crises of childhood: what needs to be known to parents

Considerthe main causes of poor behavior in children aged 3-4 years:

  • Fight for the attention of parents .Often, the reason for disobedience is the desire of the child to attract attention, especially if parents are busy with their affairs and problems and do not pay enough attention to the child. The kid still does not know how to constructively interact with adults and how to build a dialogue with them and normal relationships, and chooses the way that is available to him.
  • The second reason is the self-assertion of the baby , which goes against the parental hyperopia. Already in 2 years, the child begins to strive for independence, we all remember his whipping "I myself".Parents, for humane reasons, are trying to impose their point of view on them: to control everything, to teach, to reprove, and so on. The child perceives this critique as "a bayonet" and tries to fight it with disobedience.
  • The desire to take revenge on .For various reasons, parents, whether they want it or not, inflict any kind of suffering on the child( for example, her mother hid her favorite toy, made her taste bad, and so on).
  • The loss of faith in the own strength of .If a child is disappointed or frustrated, he begins to behave inadequately. This reason is most often related to the uncertainty in itself and the child's underestimated self-esteem and is expressed in a certain manner of protest.
  • Parental Prohibitions and what is behind them

    Child upbringing 3 4 years: psychology, counseling It should be understood that the prohibition is a certain limit that confronts a child for his own protection.

    Prohibitions have an important educational function: helps to shape a child's perception of reality. The kid needs to learn to understand when it is worth staying in the expression of their whims, what can be done, what can not and how to behave properly in society.

    Learn how to shape your child's etiquette skills here: Etiquette Rules for Children

    Undoubtedly, all parenting prohibitions are perceived by children without much enthusiasm, the child often reacts to them with protest, irritation, malice or insult, but it should be understood thatpsychologically prohibitions are important for proper child rearing. They allow the little one to feel the care of their parents, calm down and develop discipline.

    Unfortunately, in today's society, is one of 's problems, when parents who grow themselves in a large number of bans now believe that the child needs to be addressed by absolutely everyone. Gradually, with the growth of a baby, he begins to form a stable dependence on manipulations, the child resorts to various kinds of provocations, grows infantile and capricious. The second common mistake parent is the excessive number of prohibitions when children are forbidden absolutely everything or almost everything. In this case, the child grows timid, timid, indecisive, since he has a different behavioral problem: before he makes any decision he will seek the approval of the parents.

    To avoid such problems in the upbringing of the child, parents should understand that all prohibitions should be the cause and explanation of .The child must clearly understand why one can not behave in one way or another and what consequences one or another of his actions can have.

    All prohibitions in their root causes are divided into two categories: conscious and unconscious.

  • The conscious prohibition of is such that a parent strives to protect the child from anything. For example, by prohibiting ice cream, he will protect him from the appearance of angina, forbidden to cross the street in an unauthorized place, he will protect the child from getting into an accident, and so on.
  • Also included in this category are such prohibitions, which, according to parents, develop discipline, since without the prohibitions of education does not take the right form( formed permissiveness, mischief, whims, and others).
  • The third root cause of perceived bans, oddly enough, is the habit. Parents seem to be taking on the experience of education from their parents: if at one time many were forbidden by themselves, now, having become parents, they all prohibit their children.
  • The root causes of unconscious bans are somewhat more difficult.

  • First and foremost, parents can hide their feelings and experiences, images and irritation behind them. In this case, the ban seems to be a punishment: " you did not do that, and I told you( it means) you will not get it, you can not me."
  • The second primary cause of parental unconscious bans is the banal envy of the .Prohibiting something for a child, the father can mentally return to his childhood and compare his life with the current life of a son or daughter. The lack of a sufficient number of toys, many beautiful dresses and other, may unknowingly cause a feeling that will result in a ban.

    Here it should be understood that in this case, it does not have any protective function, and, consequently, an educational component.

  • Parental anxiety is the root cause of parental bans. In this case, excessive care for children is taking place so that nothing dangerous to them happens.
    For example, a child wants to have a dog, and there is nothing wrong with that. Caring for a four-legged friend will raise a child's sense of responsibility, debt, and discipline. But mom can worry too much that a baby will have a lot of trouble from her pet( suddenly bite, there is not enough time for classes, etc.) and the purchase of a puppy can not stand and speech.
  • For more information on the role of parents in the upbringing of your son, you can in our article: How to properly raise a boy

    To learn about typical mistakes of parents in the upbringing of the daughter, as well as tips on education, you can here: How to properly raise the girl

    Prohibiting somethingthree to four year old baby, parents make a serious mistake if they do so condemning the tone. Shame, annoyance, feelings of guilt - that's what a child feels at this time. It is very important, in the process of education, not to overdo the prohibitions.

    You can not make any kind of passion for a child a forbidden object, be it a favorite toy or computer game. When raising a baby even at such an early age, it is important to reach a dialogue with him.

    Child's Temperament: Typical Mistakes and Particularities of

    Education Sometimes parents notice that different children can react differently in the same things: some calmly listen to remarks, others start to empty and empty, and others are rattling a real hurricane of naughty behavior.

    It turns out that it is not possible for all children to apply the same approach without exception, as each child has its own temperament type. Given this fact, one can find an approach to any, even the most problematic baby.

    Incorrect parenting of a child 3-4 years without regard to the type of temperament can lead not only to problems and disobedience, but also to the complete degradation of personality in the future. The standard grandfather method in the upbringing of children is completely inappropriate, shouting on a baby, or even being able to shake it off, will not solve the problem. Such parents are not trying to build a trusting relationship with the child, but simply break his psyche under him and some of his standards and stereotypes.

    Children who have often been cursed and beaten in their childhood, as a rule, have problems with dependencies of any kind( alcohol, narcotic, nicotine, etc.) in adult life. They have difficulty communicating with their peers and other people.

    At 3-4 years, the child already shows the characteristic features of his temperament, begins to form the basic concept of his behavior. Psychologists recommend parents to distinguish between such concepts as "character" and "temperament" .Temperament is given by the child by nature, it is a type of nervous system, and the character is determined by education, which allows to compensate for the disadvantages of temperament.

    Child upbringing 3 4 years: psychology, counseling

    There are four types of temperament: melancholic, phlegmatic, sanguine and choleric.

    Ideally clean types are practically non-existent, so in most cases mixing types are in the range of approximately 70 to 30 percent. The type of domination depends on how the parents will communicate with the child.

    Children with different temperaments on the same situation react differently. This is particularly evident in situations where a child refuses to do anything.

    Sangwin - the most not problematic children in education: they always have a good mood and there are no serious problems with them. For a baby, sanguine is characterized by the following features: the

    • does not have any mood swings, even if it's somewhat frustrated, it will not start falling on the floor and kicking;
    • is a moving child, he always has a desire to run somewhere and interact with something;
    • has a good nervous system and a high self-esteem;
    • , it quickly falls asleep and easily wakes up, these criteria reflect the work of his nervous system.

    But these perfect kids also have their drawbacks. One of the main features of sanguine children is that they are very tricky. If such a child does not want to do anything, it is almost impossible to make it. A mistake by parents who bring up sanguine is that they believe the word to their child. As a result, the child makes his parents go to his place.

    If you do not pay attention to such trifles, then the child will grow up to be a liar and a scammer. In order to prevent possible consequences, parenting should ensure that the child complies with their requirements. Doing this should be calm, without screams and notations.

    Find out the causes of childhood lies, as well as the advice of a psychologist, you can in our article: What to do when the child is lying: the advice of a psychologist

    The second mistake parents of sanguine children is excessive praise. Despite the fact that these calm balanced children with a good self-esteem, praising their excess can lead to the development of " star disease" in children. Therefore, parents should not only praise the kid for his achievement, but also encourage him to do something better.

    Type of temperament The melancholic is one of the most in need of attention. Such children are very receptive, easily upset or offended. Screaming on a child is equivalent to physical harassment.
    Features of this type of temperament are:

    • sensitivity;
    • complexity of adaptation to new conditions;
    • fast fatigue.

    The key mistakes of in educating melancholic is the punishment for failure and shakiness to others. Learning melancholic in large groups is already considered a stressful situation, so its main task, for preschool and junior school facilities, is to adapt to new conditions, not to achieve great success in mastering the educational material.

    The asthmatics of the are balanced and calm. Their main features are:

    • uncertainty;
    • slowness;
    • ability to sleep about 10-12 hours.

    Mistakes in the education of phlegmatics consist in a verbal explanation of the requirements for a baby and passive spending time with him. It is better to show him everything in his own case. If, however, to actively engage in the development of a child-flegamika, they will remain very inert.

    Choleric are engines of progress; they all need to run somewhere and do something, but they often throw everything at an early stage. The main features are:

    • emotionality;
    • activity, mobility and volume;
    • have anxiety.

    Child-choleratic is important to bring up properly, otherwise it can grow too emotional, aggressive and inclined to antisocial behavior. Typical mistakes of parents in the upbringing of such children are manifestations of aggression towards the child and excessive care and care. With such a child, you should behave equilibrium, especially if he jumps and screams. It is impossible to suppress it, it is better to react to its whims in the opposite tone. It is also not possible to indulge in the requirements of the child, it is better to establish their life principles, long-term agreements and prohibitions( in reasonable quantity).


    Child upbringing 3 4 years: psychology, counseling As a child, parents should exercise vigilance and care in order to be able to distinguish between the causes of their children's disobedience and respond to them in a timely manner. The relationship between parents and children is a continuous daily process. If there are two or more children in a family, then a situation often arises that some parents managed to build trust relationships at an intuitive level, and with someone else. If you determine the type of temperament in your children, then communication, and educational moments will be much easier and more correct, and thus, it will turn out to grow a harmonious personality.